


Chaldea Anti-Thot Hit Squad

by OverMach



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Kinda?, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25519390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OverMach/pseuds/OverMach
Summary: Gudao assembles the Chaldea Anti-Thot Hit Squad in preparation for the battle against Kiara. (Crackfic. I know basically nothing about CCC sue me.)[Crossposted from fanfiction.net, originally published on 23/2/2019]
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Chaldea Anti-Thot Hit Squad

Gudao scratched his head, trying to comprehend the report about this CCC or whatever thing in his hands.

Kiara Sesshoin, huh...

Getting the gist of it after a few more minutes, he cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled at the top of his lungs-

"ALRIGHT! CHALDEA ANTI-THOT HIT SQUAD: ASSEMBLE!"

At his command, Gudao's heroic spirits gathered before him. Shimmers of golden dust materialized in the air, eventually forming human shapes.

The young master looked at his Servants, and clapped his hands together.

"Alright, here's the deal!" He shouted, motioning the large monitor behind him that was currently showing a picture of this Kiara person. He then pointed to the short, blue-haired man in front of him— "Anderson, you created this mess. Now you're in charge of fixing it. Five minutes to prepare yourself, go!"

The writer rolled his eyes, groaning. "Fine."

And with that, he faded into gold dust once again, disappearing from view.

"Bedivere?" Gudao turned to the left, seeing a literal knight in shining armor. "Good, you're here. Keep that pimp slap of yours nice and ready."

"Master, I would appreciate if you didn't refer to my Noble Phantasm as a-"

"Shut up. Gramps? You there?" Gudao waved to the corner of the room, seemingly unlit for no real reason. The Assassin — who looked like a rejected Dark Souls boss — stepped out from the shadows, his eyes alit with an azure blaze.

"Thy's calls hath been answered, contractor."

"There you are! Alright, you don't give two shits about what tries to kill you or fucks you, so you're going with them. Capiche?"

The Old Man of the Mountain nodded his head. Within a blink, the Assassin was suddenly no longer in the room, as if he just simply vanished.

Well, it's pretty normal for Gramps to do that, Gudao supposes.

"Next up... Ah, Jacky, hey there sugar!" Gudao leaned down as the small, scantily-clad child ran up to him. He patted her head with a smile on his face, while pointing to the monitor with his free hand. "See that weird lady in the black dress over there?"

The infamous serial killer slowly nodded, a bit confused.

"Well, that's your next "mommy"! Go say hi to her and and treat her like the other "mommies" that you met in London, okay?"

"Ooh! Okay!" The Whitechapel Murderer smiled, finally understanding what's going on.

But even more important than that-

"Also where are your pants, my child?"

"Oh, I ripped them while playing with Nursery."

Gudao sighs. "Go meet up with Uncle Vlad before we depart, okay? I'm sure he has a pair of freshly-sewn kid-sized pants laying around somewhere, considering how often barely clothed children keep popping up here."

"Okay!" The little girl turned around, and ran towards the door like the excited little kid that she is.

Come on, they're children. Give them some proper fucking clothes.

"As for you..."

Gudao turned to the last Servant in the room - a knight in purple armor.

His eyes are brimming with expectations. A huge grin had already escaped his lips ever since he laid eyes on the beauty shown in the monitor, and  _ boy _ he just can't help it.

The sight of such a lewd woman in a nun outfit just keeps him going. His Arondight stands firm and erect, ready to Overload at any moment.

He can already feel his Arts performance increasing by 30%.

After all, he is Sir Lancelot, the not-so-gallant knight known for his lecherous tendencies—

"Lancelot, you're the bait."

A certain Shielder's laugh echoes across the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Original Author's Note:  
> A/N: why the fuck did i write this?  
> based on a youtube comment i saw the other day. anyway thanks for reading, leave a review if you liked it, etc etc. i shall return to my eternal slumber.  
> also i know nothing about ccc aside from the fact that kiara is hans' master, there are like 50 sakurafaces, and emiya dresses like a stripper in it. english localization when?
> 
> [Crossposted from fanfiction.net, originally published on 23/2/2019]


End file.
